I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
