i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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