Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
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Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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