You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
