life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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