I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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