i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
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A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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