He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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