Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
