i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
