i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
