yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The beer is more important than you right now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
