No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
