i don't like sucking hair
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
