And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
