i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
