We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
