You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
