you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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