i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
