I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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