Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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