All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
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finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize