Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
