He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
