she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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