One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
