Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
