Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
