Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
