Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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