he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
