jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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