Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
