you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
