i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
