I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
