; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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