u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
