Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
