My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
