I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
