I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
