i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
