Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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