well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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