Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
