this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
