God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
