saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you would pick up someone in the library
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
