I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
