I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
