What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
