I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Houston, we have a blender
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
