My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
