You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
