Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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