I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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