we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
