I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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