Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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