I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
