I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
