I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
