he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
