maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
