glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
