Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We left the knife in your bed.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
