btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
