im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
