Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
